Blue Jay Justice

I have a family of Blue Jays living outside my window. For those of you living in a cave or somewhere in the Antarctic, a Blue Jay is a stupid looking bird that hops around with a little fin on top of its head and is loud as hell. Their call is a raspy sort of ‘caw’ noise that doesn’t stop. Ever. They prefer to caw in the wee hours of the morning about an hour before my alarm goes off.

I am not a violent man.

I may have grown up in Texas. I may be obsessed with action movies and I may bookmark any internet video that involves somebody getting hit in the nethers, but I, myself, am not a violent person. I am, however, willing to make an exception when it comes to committing violence against Blue Jays, or Cyanocitta cristate bromia, for those of us who love memorizing biological taxonomy. No I did not Wikipedia that.

Fact #1: Blue Jays are jerks. Everybody knows this.

Except you.

Fact #2: Blue Jays will fight all other birds to control their immediate area.

Fact #3: Blue Jays have been known to eat humming bird eggs (seriously).

Fact #4: Blue Jays support Hitler.

Given these facts, I can not support a local faction of Nazi Blue Jays living outside of my window. The following is a warning to the next Blue Jay that decides 5:00am is the perfect time to start chirping in German and quoting Mein Kampf :

I am going to get out my pellet gun, aim it at your face and keep shooting until I put an end your little anti-Semitic regime.

above: Blue Jay Nazi Justice

And then I’ll kill all of your co-conspirator squirrel friends.

above: Co-conspirator Justice

Then the Toronto Blue Jays.

Just in case.

above: MLB Justice