Concordia University Sucks My Balls

I guess word has gotten out that I’d like to further my education because I received an email today from a University trying to entice me to enroll in their MBA program.

Apparently, word has also gotten out that I would like to fuse together my knowledge in Business with my love for Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior:

above: Biblical Marketing

Okay, Concordia.

I appreciate you thinking of me and all, but this email is teetering on absurd. I’m not even going to critique the ridiculous concept of combining Bible Worship with Business Theory. Yes, I’ll avoid criticizing you for putting together an educational combination just slightly more ridiculous than quantum physics mixed with basket weaving; a graduate-level business curriculum far more pointless than that of computer programming mixed with... something radically dissimilar to computer programming.

Grilled-Cheese making, perhaps.

You get my point.

I will instead focus on the photo you’ve included with your email in vain attempt to entice me into enrollment:

above: Biblical Business

Why, Concordia University, why have you chosen an Asian lady in a metallic-blue shirt with excessive fat rolls to spearhead your email campaign? Why have you placed the dude in the background with the red tie that reminds me of Senator Kelly from the X-Men movies? Why have you chosen a blond that looks so hideously stupid that she can’t even remember to visit her hair dresser often enough to convince me that she’s a real blond?

And don’t think for a second that I missed her hand placement, Concordia. The “bible hand” was a nice touch.

above: Biblical Bible Hands

Combine this with the tubby Asian lady’s “swish hand”:

above: Biblical Swish Hands

…and you've painted a nice portrait of a graduate business school that supports both:

a) my love for Jesus, and

b) my sexual orientation. Whatever that may be.

Kudos, Concordia, but I'll pass.